


It's Stupid

by harrystyles4life



Category: Original Work
Genre: Bands, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Romance, Tinder
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-06
Updated: 2016-02-06
Packaged: 2018-05-18 13:32:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5930271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harrystyles4life/pseuds/harrystyles4life
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After having broken up with her ex-boyfriend, Riley, Kestrel reflects on their relationship and the six months they spent together and what really happened aside from the lies he used to disguise it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Stupid

I live my life constantly on the edge of existing. Beauty comes first within all of it, a suburban jewish girl thrown to the sharks of public school, since day one it’s been a comparison about my hair. I don’t know where my hatred for how I look came from, but it’s all too late now and I’ve gotta appreciate it before growing older and fraying. It’s all beautiful. The tightrope between pretty and ugly, the hatred of your parents, “The Rev” that Riley always talks about. It’s all so sixteen. So high school. The media and movies and every single coming of age novel they make you read in freshman year prepares you for when you turn sixteen to be the best of your life, a constant rebellion, try not to ruin it for yourself. “It’s better to look back at something you did years ago than regret not doing it” they tell us. But I’d rather look back at never being with Riley than even think of all we’ve caused. I have a habit of blaming other people for my actions but it is Riley’s fault.  
Riley and I met on a swipe app. One of those hookup ones disguised as dating sites. I thought he was cool. I thought he could be my sixteen, he could be the memories I look back on years later but Riley isn’t just a memory. It’s two years later and he’s still there, well kind of, even 200 miles away, he’s haunting me from whatever rehab they finally sent him to. I can see him just planning that Rev he was always talking about there. When Riley gets hung up on something, he becomes it. I think he’d be happy to know he caused this hole in my chest that sometimes knocks me to the point of near suffocation.  
I only knew him six months. When you’re sixteen, six months is almost forever. We’re constantly changing people, molding into what we think is more mature or cool or edgy every couple weeks. Riley changed everyone he met in whatever short amount of time he was around, that was the thing with him, you only knew Riley for a couple weeks at a time until he disappeared onto the next. I just wish I knew that. The times we had weren’t all that bad but the subtext, the truths, the memories, that’s the downfall of our relationship. We were inseparable; I know there were tons before me and wouldn’t even be surprised to find out some other cute art girl is with him currently but everyone around us knew that the two of us were different from anything either of us ever known. And he loved that. He fucking loved that.  
Things between me and Riley progressed in sections; delicate pieces that add onto where the two of us ended up: alone. I divided them into the four biggest sections I could think to umbrella over smaller bits and pieces; it’s like one of those chapter outlines I’d do for his homework. I didn’t want to just tell you this, oh I couldn’t just do this. Riley, I want you to know what you did to me. I want pits to grow in your stomach like what they told you would happen if you ate watermelon seeds as a child. I want you to throw up and heave over anything you own that has a hole in it. I’m sorry Riley but I want you to feel the things you did to me. I want you to face regret harder than ever. I’m sorry Riley. I’m sorry this happened to us.


End file.
